Write About It, They Said...

Write about it, they said. It'll help, they said. This is some of the advice I've heard since my beloved husband, my soulmate, the other half of my brain, passed away on 9.23.16.

"Passed away," I guess that sounds better than "died." Passed away somehow implies peaceful, smooth, or serene, but Howie's death was anything but. I relive that night more often than I wish. I relive it to remember him. I relive it to punish myself. I relive it because it's the last memory I have of him. And, no matter the pain, I don't want to forget a single minute of my life with him.

"Passed away" is also better than just "passed." That is one of my pet peeves. Passed what? Passed the test? Passed gas? I don't know why people feel the need to truncate "passed away" into just "passed."

So, why start writing about it now? Why not start journaling before he died, or immediately afterwards? Well, the beforehand journaling is there - in his CaringBridge site. Thank you CaringBridge for being an awesome, free, site to share mostly what is bad news with a wide audience. Why not immediately afterwards? I guess because I was numb. And I thought I was doing ok.